Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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