Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
