Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
