Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
