that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
