she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
