i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
