New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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