just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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