I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
