who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
