I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
3 2 1 whiskey
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
