No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
