So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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