Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize