The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
