Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
