when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
