why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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