Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
