I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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