I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
