why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
