I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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