that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
