I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
