mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
