that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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