lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize