i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
COCAINE IS GR8
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