he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
