every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
