I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
