Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Drunk is not a location!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
