My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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