I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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