Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do herpes really smell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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