a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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