if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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