what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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