sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
