We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
