Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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