feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
