How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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