If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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