So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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