Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
