last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
