i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
