forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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