Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
