so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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