nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
