I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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