I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
