Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
