Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
