Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
