I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
