Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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