My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
