don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
