No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
