Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
