there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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