the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
