i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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