He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Text me some of your sweat
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