On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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