arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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