so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
